la la la

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!

I got my IPhone mirror screen protector and green rubber protector thing. The green rubber protector thing came with a clear screen protector, and I'm glad. The website said the mirror one was clear when the IPhone was off, but it didn't tell you that the colors look all funkedified. I took it off and put the clear one on instead. Much better.

Eating tuna and drinking diet pepsi for dinner. Do I want to change my oil tonight? I'm going to watch Dexter first and if I feel like it afterwards I will. Otherwise, tomorrow....

No Updates

No updates in a while... it's getting closer to Christmas. I'm going home on 12/30 for the week, probably. I went to Richmond, VA this past week. That was somewhat enjoyable, but kinda boring. I took a few pictures from the car, but nothing all that interesting. I did try some Vietnamese soup.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

A Life Update...

Hmm, what's going on with Aleks....

I'm kind of surprised I've kept up with the Twitter thing. It's kind of fun. I don't really care of anyone reads it or not. It's just for me.

First, the big news.. Jenny came in for Thanksgiving. We picked Ariel up (who adored Jenny) and went to WV for the weekend. She met my family, friends, etc... and I broke the news to them that Jenny is moving here Dec. 24th. Yay!

Second, I applied to BB&T's Banking School through Wake Forest University. I dunno when I'll know if I'm accepted or not. I just know it's a two year program, with lots of assignments, and one week a year I go to an on-campus session in Winston-Salem, NC. I hope I get in. It sounded really interesting, and I'm always up for the chance to learn something new.

Third, Jarvis gave me a two month 5K training plan which I started tonight. Who knows, I may run one at some point. Wouldn't that be something?

Twitter...

So, I signed up for a Twitter account yesterday. I've been messing with it today. It's strange to think that someone might want to know all of the mundane activities of my life... I woke up. I took a shower. I went to work. Blah, blah, blah. In reality, I don't think anyone does. And I don't really care. There's something strangely satisfying by updating it. I dunno... it's like, I feel like my life will not be forgotten this way. Like everything I do isn't just a dream because I can go back and look at it, and possibly even remember this day.

Anyway, I added a Twitter feed to my blog to the right. Or, you can add me using my sixy.com email address if you sign up for Twitter.

I'm also debating on a website redesign, moving the blog portion of my website to blogger hosted so that I can use the Blogger Layout feature. My impression is that it works like iGoogle. Apparently I can continue to keep my domain by creating a cname record for it... I'll probably use blog.sixy.com.

Potpourri

I'm just going to ramble for this one covering various topics.

It's nearly Thanksgiving. Jenny, my mom, James, Ariel, John, and Jennifer were going to come over for Thanksgiving, but on Friday instead of Thursday. I'm not sure if that's still going to happen due to some health issues with my grandmother. Jenny, myself, and Ariel may go to WV instead for the weekend. I need to find out what's going on at work, and if I can either skip work Friday and just be on call, or maybe work until noon or something... and that it's okay that Ariel go with us. I dunno yet... I haven't really decided, and I really need to feel out how things are going.

I had a good time last night... John and Jennifer called me to invite me to go to dinner with them, and then a movie. We went and watched the new Bond movie, which was my first ever Bond movie. It was.... mediocre, but for free, I can't really complain. Jennifer's sister works for the company or something, and apparently everyone there knows her, so she can get us in for free, which is awesome.

While I'm on the subject of movies, Darren Aronofsky has a new movie coming out in January, The Wrestler. It looks depressing, which I always seem to enjoy. :P

If anyone caught the UFC 91 that was on last weekend, it was one of the best UFC's in a long time. Only one fight, which was a preliminary fight, went to decision, and it won fight of the night because it was so exciting. It was a excellent PPV. I'm also excited that Affliction has another event in January with Fedor vs Arlovski. This should be a very exciting fight, but I anticipate Fedor's victory via knockout. It's a good superfight though with two excellent fighters.

I'm cleaning the house today. It's quite fun. And I'll be taking some more stuff to Goodwill tomorrow, and probably stopping to see if someone can put rear brakes on my car.

Also, since I wasn't out of town this week, I started going to the gym again every day. I feel sooooo good now that I'm going back. I'm so much less stressed.

And I think 24 comes on tomorrow evening. I haven't seen it since Season 3, but I used to like it okay. You just have to kinda suspend belief in reality for a little bit. :-P

Like I said, random thoughts... at least they're coherent though, not like when I'm depressed and everything's all a jumbled, unintelligible mess of words.

Woot.

Fenton Glass Part 2

Here are the vases I spent too much money on...

Jefferson, WV featured on the Daily Show

Brian found the old video I'd captured where Stephen Colbert from the Daily Show came to WV. So, naturally, I uploaded it to YouTube.

Fenton Glass Factory

Although I grew up in WV, I'd never gone and visited the Fenton Glass Factory, so I took the opportunity to go since I had a day off. My mom and I drove about 90 minutes up to Williamstown, WV, and went on a tour of the factory. It was a fairly short tour where we watched them blow glass, add handles, break glass, it was kind of neat. Then we saw where the artists designed and painted pieces.

Here are some pictures! I'll post more of the vases I bought when I get home and get them unpacked.

Vista Returns...

I recently put Vista back on my laptop. I had issues getting all of the hardware configured and working like my webcam, memory card reader, and even the volume control. It just wasn't working out, so Vista makes a return.

I'm a big proponent of free and open source software, so I thought I'd share the list of software that I have recently reinstalled and recommend.

Internet Apps
Web browser: Firefox
Email: Thunderbird
FTP: FileZilla
IM: Pidgin
BitTorrent: µTorrent

Multimedia Apps
MP3 Player: Winamp
Video Player: VLC
Photo Manager: Picasa
Photo Editor: GIMP

Other Apps
ZIP/Unzip: 7-Zip
Office Suite: Openoffice.org
Text/HTML Editor: PSPad
Encryption: TrueCrypt

Norfolk Pictures

One more day left here in Norfolk, and then I'll be traveling to Richmond to visit family and The Wopat.

Here are some pictures... more available on my Picasa/Google Gallery.

Blogging from Norfolk

Okay, I'm sitting in a hotel room in Norfolk VA. The wifi here kinda blows.... okay, it really blows. It's incredibly slow. I actually found a different wifi network finally (there's like a million) that has free access and doesn't blow. I'm on it now, and it appears to be somewhat stable, and decently fast. I ate at Joe's Crab Shack tonight. It was okay. Nothing fantastic.... I sat at a table next to the window so that I could see the water though. I watched the sunset. It was really pretty.

The hotel room is super nice. I have two queen beds, a 32" LCD TV with HD channels, and the hotel manager actually made a personalized, handwritten card with a little gift basket of cookies, nuts, and a bottle of water. I'm sure all of the rooms get it, but it's a nice touch. Oh, and Starbucks coffee in the room.

And... it's so damned cold here. It's like 45 degrees, really windy, and I forgot my coat. I know, I know... I'm awesome.

I'm not sure that my hands are going to thaw.

Here are some pictures of my hotel room. I'll try to remember to take my camera with me tomorrow to get some pictures of the city.

La, la....

So, things are going well in life. I'll be in Norfolk, VA next week, and then Charleston WV for a couple of days the following week. I'm enjoying the travel.

I just got back from Tucson on Wednesday night. I had a fantastic time with Jenny. Someone set the hotel on fire at 4am on Sunday night. That was interesting. The news was there... kept wanting to put us on the air.

Jenny's boss's house is really pretty. It was in what seemed like a super expensive neighborhood, but still appeared very secluded with all of the trees and hills and such. He and his wife are very sweet people, and we had a good time there. It was a lot of fun. There might be pics or video of me dancing. Hopefully none will surface. :P It can't be a pretty sight....

Not much more to say right now....

my brain function is deteriorating

Seriously, I feel like I'm losing my mind. I kind of feel like I'm just in a daze all of the time, and my communication with the outside world comes completely from instinct. It's weird. I seem to have a strange, dull headache a lot of the time. My eyes hurt while I'm at work too. They feel like they're going to burst. Allergy drops make the redness and burning go away, but they still feel swollen. I've even tried not wearing my contacts, just to see if it's them, but they still hurt. And my eyes don't hurt like this when I'm not at work. There's something weird in the air there that's irritating me which is what made me originally stop wearing my contacts.

And... I woke up this morning with a flat tire. I noticed my car felt weird when I backed it out of the garage. I got to the end of the street before I actually got out to look at the tires. The right, rear tire was like, completely flat. So I drove back to the house, hooked up the airpump, and put some air in it. When I turned it off, I could actually hear the air coming back out. The thing is, I knew I needed tires anyway because mine were pretty much bald. So I just drove it down to Tire Kingdom and had them put 4 new tires on it. Yay for spending money and being late for work. They also informed me that I needed rear brakes, which I knew as well. I have them in the garage. I just haven't gotten them put on yet.

I also missed my appointment with the personal trainer, because, being off yesterday for Columbus Day, I got my days confused. I thought all day today that it was Monday. Once again, brain function deteriorating. I got to the gym about 7:15, and David was nice enough to go ahead and work with me anyway. My legs are kinda sore, but the worst part is that I screwed up my knee somehow doing leg presses. It wasn't even any kind of impact anything. It just started hurting, and it still hurts. I'm not sure how I did it. I just continued on until the end of the session, but I'm sure I'll pay for it later. Oh well. That's life.

The end to a great weekend

Well, today was the end to a great weekend. Scott, Andy, and Jenny all came in to visit. We went to a Nascar race on Saturday night. That was quite an experience. It was incredibly loud, and there were lots of drunk people. We got beer spilled on us on more than one occasion. Also, Jenny & I had a fried Twinkie... cuz, I mean... seriously, why not? I can't say it's something I'd probably go do again though. Mainly just because it's not my thing. But I can see where it would be something fun to get into.

Oh, I managed to get premium gas today, and I saw regular gas for $2.99. It's nice to see things coming back to a slightly normal state.

Off to Tucson next weekend. Hooray!

The world is collapsing, I think.

I found gas yesterday. Hoorah. I didn't even have to wait in line for it. Of course, by the time I pulled out from there, people apparently realized that they had gas and there was a line out to the road. I'm sure it got worse after that. They only had regular gas though, no premium, so I had to put that in my car. I don't really notice any difference in the way my car's driving, so I guess it's okay... better than being broken down. A lot of the places up here are putting limits on how much gas you can get too, but the Circle K didn't have one, so I just filled up.

So Tom and Bri have been down this weekend. It's been a lot of fun hanging out with them. We played Guitar Hero 3 for a long time last night. I think we're going to go get some breakfast shortly. I want some French Toast again. That sounds so good.

And in two weeks, Jenny will be flying in for the weekend (yay!), and Scott, and possibly Andy are coming down. I'm not sure if Scott's bringing Michele and Nate or not, and I think we're going to go to a Nascar race. That should be interesting. :)

Hi

Hi. How are you? I'm good. Thanks.

So apparently Charlotte is completely out of gasoline. There's this crazy huge rush on whenever there's word that a gas station has gas. I had problems getting to work today because of gas lines, and I couldn't get to the gym after work because of gas lines... I seriously couldn't drive down the street. I just gave up and went home. Screw these people.

mmmmmhmmmmm

Yup. My legs and back hurt like hell today. Not sure about the back... why it hurts. Maybe I did something weird to it yesterday. I dunno. Maybe I worked it out with one of those exercises I was doing. I dunno. I can't remember... that was like 24 hours ago.

Sore legs

Okay, I went to the gym after work today. I'm trying to do better about eating before I go because I'm starting to get lightheaded now, which is strange.

But anyway, I worked out with the trainer today. And honestly, I didn't feel like I was going to puke, but it's difficult for me to walk up the stairs. My legs don't hurt, they just feel weak. They'll probably hurt tomorrow, and I may be walking like I have a stick in my ass tomorrow.

It's all good though. I can see muscle in my legs now. It's neat.

Ho ha.

Hmm...

I thought about writing stuff on here about how depressed I am, and that's why I'm even thinking about blogging, but I'm not going to. I know this is just temporary, and it's not even a bad depression. I think I'm just a little sad about some things in my life right now. The problems will be resolved in the (relatively) near future anyway, and it's not worth worrying about.

So I think I've changed my mind about getting the Smart car. It's not something I need. It's just an expensive toy, and not really worth getting when my car's still running great. I think it would be more fun to buy an old car to tinker with instead like an old VW Bug or something. I'd thought about that before. It's not a new thing. I just think I'd get a lot more satisfaction out of it.

Carpets Cleaned...

Hooray! The downstairs carpets have been cleaned. I hadn't finished doing stuff in the bedroom so I didn't have them do the upstairs yet. I'll do it another time. It looks nice downstairs, but the floor's really wet. He said it could take up to 12 hours to dry. Insanity.

I dropped off some crap at Goodwill today... what else.. what else....

I dunno. I guess that's really it.

Google Chrome

So, I have this new laptop, and I haven't gotten around to configuring the wireless card in Ubuntu, so I'm still using Vista primarily. Andy referred me to the new browser by Google called Chrome. I must say that I really like it. It's fast and efficient and some pretty cool features.

That's all for the day.

Yummy.

As if we're crazy, we stare into space. I'm thinking of something. I'm not sure what. I stand up. I sit down. I go to work. I wake up. I sleep. I eat. I run. I scream. I drive. I hide.

What?

...

What?

...

What?

...

What?

for samara

Work calls are really picking up lately. It seems like the calls are just non-stop anymore. I was on the elliptical machine at the gym yesterday for 20 minutes, and when I got off I had 5 missed calls.... all from different people at work. I tried to watch a movie on Monday and got interrupted 3 or 4 times in a 90 minute period.

Annnyyywaaayyy.... yeah, I'm a little sore from working out yesterday. I can really tell I'm in a LOT better shape than I used to be. People at work are really noticing that I've lost weight which is an awesome feeling. Almost 40 lbs now... I could go skydiving now, but I'll probably wait until November-ish.

I didn't go to the gym today because I really had to mow my grass. It was getting really bad with all of the rain we've had lately.

And...... oh yeah, I got my email to configure my Smart car the other day. Estimated time of delivery is November-January.... woot. I need to start looking into financing options.

UFC 88

So, yeah, I did my little ritual that I usually do when there's a UFC PPV on. I went to the store, bought some bloody mary mix, and proceeded to watch people beat the shit out of each other. Most of the fights didn't have unexpected outcomes, but I was totally surprised to see Chuck Liddell get knocked the fuck out.... like, out cold. It was crazy.

Anyway, yeah, so I was pretty drunk last night. Is it bad to drink by yourself? They say it is, but as long as the TV's on you're okay, right? :P

I did some more cleaning up around the house yesterday. I still have a lot to do, but it's looking a lot better than it did. I'm getting there.

And I want some French Toast. I think I'm going to go get some.

zomg an update

Okay, so, I tend to whine more than I gleam... what I mean is that I tend to blog only when I'm depressed. If I'm happy, and I don't really think about it. If I'm depressed, then I just need to get it out. I've been so happy lately that I don't really need to blog about anything.

I did a lot of traveling the past couple of weeks, and then went back to the gym on Thursday. David, the trainer, said it was actually my best workout yet. I'm a little sore from it, but I'm not bad.

I got my divorce papers signed, witnessed, notarized, and mailed out to the lawyer this morning. Woot.

I guess that's about it. I'll try to keep things updated more even though I'm incredibly happy right now. I just have to remember to do it.

Hmm.

Another day... nothing spectacular or anything. Work, eat, work, gym, home. I'm getting out of town a bit in the next couple of weeks though, so that should be good. I'm pretty excited to get out of the office and work for a bit.

Hoorah.

A Laptop...

So I'd been wanting a laptop for a couple of years now... so I went and bought one today. I'd been looking a lot over the past week and settled on an HP HP DV5-1002NR. So far I'm pretty happy with it, although Vista takes some getting used to. I'm going to install Ubuntu on it shortly and see how it runs, but I'll keep Vista on here and dual boot since I've already paid the MS tax.

I'm slacking...

I haven't really blogged this week. I'm definitely slacking. Now that Rachel's moved out, I don't really feel upset or depressed or anything like that. It's pretty awesome. I've just been taking the time to clean up and straighten things around here... just at my own leisure. I'm still working out, down 32lbs as of this morning. Not too shabby. Definitely inching closer to my goals.

Mmhmm...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Another day goes by... I've tried two different types of generic cottage cheese, but I really just don't like them as well as the name brand. It's just nowhere near as good. That's a weird way to start things off, I know, but I just ate some, and that's what I'm thinking about right now.

I got a new window crank for my drivers' side car door. My old one's retainer clip had broken off, so every time I shut the door, it fell into the floor. It got annoying.

And, I went to the gym after work today... did about an hour of cardio and came home. I was hoping to get home in time to mow the lawn, but I didn't, unfortunately. I did mow a little bit, what I could see from the light in the garage, mowing down the weeds by the driveway. I don't really have grass... just weeds that grow everywhere and grow to be very tall. It looks horrible.

That is it for today...

Saturday

Headed back over to John's in a sec... we're building a baby crib. We just got back from Lowes getting all of the wood. I had to stop by the house to get something in my stomach because I hadn't eaten today and was feeling dizzy. This is going to be fun!

Worked out yesterday... worked legs... felt horrible afterwards... but I feel good today. My legs are just sore, but not so sore that I can't walk, which seems like progress to me!

That's all for now....
-Aleks

slowly but surely

She's moving out..... more stuff is gone today. She still has a looooong way to go though.

My arms feel like Jello. I definitely paid the price of going on vacation for a week. It's all good though. It feels like I'm making progress.

I like cheese.

Shouldn't this be gone by now?

Blah, blah, blah.

So yeah, I'm back from the beach. Back to work. Back to sleep. No drinking. No nothing... So I'm home, and all of Rachel's shit is still here. That's mildly frustrating. She took the cat, her computer, and I think that's it. They came over last night and packed up some more stuff. She says she's getting the truck on Thursday and will be getting the "big stuff". Hopefully all of the stuff.

Went back to the gym today. Did some cardio for an hour and a half, and I'll be working with the personal trainer tomorrow and Thursday. I'm going to be so sore on Wednesday.

Blah, blah, blah.

Going home tomorrow....

Insert sad face here....

I don't really want to leave. I don't want to go back to work. This has been one of the most relaxing vacations I've had in a LONG time. I'm really glad I came here. I've had a great time, although I'm really exhausted today for some reason. Perhaps it's from wandering around in the heat all day yesterday at the Hard Rock Park (which was pretty cool, btw).

Nothing spiffy or exciting happening... I ran into some girl that used to work for Rachel down here. She was here getting married, and is staying in the same hotel. Crazy stuff....

Rachel called me today... apparently she hasn't moved a whole lot of stuff this week. Ugh.... oh well. She has moved enough to begin sleeping there, so that's at least a plus. We're dropping Ariel off at the apartment tomorrow when we get back. She says she's getting a truck Thursday on her day off and will be moving everything then. We shall see.....

-Aleks

wooohoooooo vacation

I have no idea what that was last night that I posted. I think it was funny to me at the time.... I just kept thinking in my head 'blogger'....

Anyway, I actually left the hotel tonight. I went with my brother and his childhood friend that coincidentally is in Myrtle Beach this week as well and we went and shot pool. I had a lot to drink. I actually cleaned them out of bloody mary mix and had to switch to jager bombs which are also excellent. Yum.

There was this hot goth type girl there. I talked to her a little... she seemed pretty friendly. I'm learning a lot about myself while I'm here. I'm slightly better at small talk that I thought, and I'm somewhat able to hold a conversation with people about absolutely nothing. It's weird stuff.

I'm also coming to the conclusion that I prefer (go figure on this one....) brunettes with somewhat long, straight hair and dark eyes. Build and height aren't too much of a factor as long as they're not grotesquely overweight. Now, don't get me wrong... there definitely isn't a shortage of attractive girls here, but I'm just saying that the ones I find myself more attracted to have those characteristics. I'm not even saying that's what I'm looking for in a girl.... just saying something.

There was this cute goth girl at the bar.... I made a point to talk to her a couple of times.... not hitting on her, cuz she was with some guys there, but just trying to gain the courage to make small talk with a cute girl. I always did have a thing for that type.... dunno why.

Anyway, we had a good time shooting pool. I fell outside on the way to the car though. Didn't see the step.... guess that's a sign I've had too much. Now my knee is all skinned up and bleeding. Yum.

Wheeeee, good times, good times. Trying to feel out how to talk to people... start conversations.... social activity is a tricky thing. Guess it's one of those skills I'm going to have to work on.

Blogger blogger blogger

This is a blogger blogger blogger.

This is what it boils down to....

I'm really enjoying having a laptop. There's something about having the mobility and convenience of being able to get online when and where I want to. I love this stuff. It's great.

I'm still sitting in the bar... been here for a few hours, chatting with people, answering emails. It's raining outside, so it's kind of busy in here.

I'm going to have to get a laptop so I can leave home on occasion without being out of touch. It helps when I can drink because I tend to be a lot more social when I do.... I kind of get like a diarrhea of the mouth thing going on. It's all good though.

I'm having a great time here. I wish I could just stay here and be unstressed all of the time. God I need to be rich. If nothing else, just for my mental health.

Myrtle Beach!

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

I'm in Myrtle Beach.... sitting in the lobby of the hotel blogging, chatting, reading emails, etc. I was in the hotel bar, but they closed a little after midnight.

I'm having a really good time being here. No work calls, no stress, no nothing. I get up, walk out to the beach, watch Ariel have fun. Play in the ocean with her. We're all having a great time.

I got my financial declaration paper notarized today at Jon's workplace. I'm going to fax that to the lawyer tomorrow, and then follow up with an email.

I start to feel guilty for looking at all of the cute girls here at the beach, but then I remember that I'm (more or less) single now. It's time to move on. Still feels a little weird though. I was walking down the street last night... just walking and walking.... and I was thinking to myself how nice it would be if Rachel was there with me to talk to. But then I realized that it wasn't really Rachel I missed, but just her company. I missed having someone there to share it with.... to talk to about things. And anyway, she would've been complaining that she was tired, or hot, or something, and it would've been my fault, and I would've felt miserable for even coming here with her. So aaannnyyywaaayyy..... yeah, I miss having someone to talk to, but I don't really miss Rachel, per say. It's a weird mixed up feeling.

w00t

Alrighty. I found some trunks that fit. I've done some laundry. I even went and watched Batman today. It was awesome. I don't see how they got away with a PG-13 rating though. That movie was pretty damned violent. But.... whatever. Excellent flick, I must say.

Headed off to the beach tomorrow. Gotta pack tonight. Charging the camera battery now. I did make it to the gym for about 45 minutes today before they closed.

Blah blah blah. Not much else going on. Rachel's still packing. I asked her today, and she plans on being gone by the time I get back. Excellent...... *maniacal laugh*

Finally here....

I didn't think this week was ever going to end. It just kept dragging and dragging. Stupid anticipation. I have a lot to get done tomorrow.... I have some divorce papers I need to get notarized. I need to go shopping for Jon's birthday present. I need to do a bunch of laundry, get a haircut, get some sunglasses.... possibly even some new trunks. I don't know if the ones I have still fit. I should go find those....

BLAH.

It's all good though.

I don't think I've blogged much this week. Rachel actually found an apartment. She's been taking some things as she goes to work. She should be moved out by the time I get back. Hooray! Hopefully the house isn't stripped clean when I get back. I don't think she'd do that though. We don't have enough crap to make a costly lawyer battle worth the money.

I'm so sore for working out too. My everything hurts. I'm sure that's a good thing though. It's not excruciating pain, and it's not like I can't walk like before. Progress...

Weight Loss

I've updated the weight loss over on the right. I'm down 22lbs now.

Here are my current goals:

At 215, I'm going skydiving with John.
At 200, I'm going to start Muay Thai training again.
At 170, I'm done losing weight. This is my end goal.

Lawyer day...

I spoke with the lawyer today. All is well... I paid the retainer fee, and she's going to draft up a settlement document for me. Rachel and I will both need to sign it, and then after our year separation is over, we can file for divorce. Everything will be in order and just waiting for the clock... I'm glad to get this moving along.

Also, according to Ariel, Rachel found an apartment today. Hooray! I haven't spoken to Rachel yet, but I'm still crossing my fingers that she's moving out VERY soon. We shall see...

That was pretty much it for my day. I've been kind of distracted at work for the past couple of days. I find myself not able to focus on anything. I think this whole mess is starting to get to me.... and I'm feeling kind of worn down. My work PC locked up at about 5:30, so I just turned it off and left. It was close enough to 6.

I went over to the gym and worked out like crazy for.... I dunno... somewhere around 90 minutes to 2 hours. I'm not exactly sure. It felt great though. And since I replaced the battery in my iPOD yesterday ($6 shipped from eBay), it lasted more than 30 minutes this time. In fact, it lasted the entire workout and still appears to have plenty of juice left in it. Hooray again!

-Aleks

Dun, dun, dun....

Unfortunately my trip to Georgia was canceled. However, the lawyer's office called this morning to reschedule the appointment. I made it for tomorrow morning at 9am. The TomTom estimates 54 minutes to get there, so I'd better leave at like 7:30 just to make sure I don't have any troubles finding the place. I wanna get this crap over and done with. Things have settled down here, and she's being somewhat sociable. I think it's probably temporary until Jordan comes back. Then she'll be back to her new self again. Aaaaannnnyyyywaayyy.... who cares? I'm headed to the lawyer tomorrow to get this divorce crap started. Rachel's supposed to be finding a place to live tomorrow. I'm going to Myrtle Beach in like 5 days.

Life is good.

Boredom

It's amazing. I'm bored, but I'm not sad. I'm not angry. I'm not depressed. I'm none of those crazy emotions that I've been recently. In fact, I'm kind of enjoying being bored. Once Rachel moves out, I'll have a lot to do in the house. Until then, I'm just biding my time.

I went to the gym again today. That's about it though. I'm excited for next week. I'm just so anxious to get away.

What to do, what to do... perhaps I'll watch a movie. Who knows.

-Aleks

Just checking in..

I really had a great day today. Ariel and I opened a Savings account for her this morning. Then I went to the gym for a while where I did better on the cardio than I've ever done before. Then I went to watch the movie Gonzo. It was excellent.

I had a couple of voicemails while I was at the movie. My trip to Georgia this week was cancelled. Then when I got home, I found out that they might just postpone it a day which might get in the way of my lawyer appointment. If they do postpone it a day, I'll probably drive separately so I can drive back on Wednesday night after we're finished instead of staying the night.

After the movie, I drove around downtown Charlotte for a while. That was pretty cool. I'm not sure where all I was. I saw a lot of restaurants and bars and such.

Then I came home. Rachel and I went through the DVDs and split them up. After that, I walked her through transferring her domain to her. It seems like it's still "in process". I'm not sure what the holdup is. I will look more into it tomorrow.

Then.... I went to Hooters to watch the Affliction MMA PPV. It was pretty cool because I had a booth to myself and just sprawled out in it for 4 hours watching Affliction on one TV and UFC on another. The Affliction card was awesome, and there were some excellent fights. It was probably the best MMA card I've seen this year.

Now, I'm home. All in all a great day. I don't have anything planned for tomorrow. I'll probably go to the gym though. I'm enjoying working out.

This is Aleks reporting in...

Exhaustion

I feel exhausted today. It must be the drive that did it to me. I'm not really sure. Perhaps it's the fact that I didn't work out today since I drove to Virginia. Who knows....

I just feel really, really drained today. Like I haven't slept in days... I think I'm going to go to bed.

Capsized rhetoric

Do we need to speak in rhymes to get what we want? Do we need to speak in tongues to figure out how to taste? The fascination with speaking in nonsensical words and phrases only allude to a true meaning that is nonexistent. The passion with which I write makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end and my entire body shiver. I think that everyone I know is collapsing into a black hole of subsonic depths from which there's no escape.

Does that above paragraph mean anything? Nope. Get over it.

Hi. I love cheese. It's too bad I can't eat it right now because of my diet and exercise routine. A big wad of mozzarella cheese sounds so awesome right now.

How was my day, you ask? Perhaps....

Let's see. I got up. Went to work. Ate lunch. Went back to work. Went to Wal*Mart. Went to the gym. Went to Rite-Aid. Went home. It was glorious. And I'm doing it again tomorrow. Except...! I'm driving to pick up Ariel tomorrow in Wytheville, VA. At least I won't be home, ya know?

Rachel's started packing boxes. There are a bunch in the living room.

And here we go...

Can't sleep...

I can't sleep... I've got a lot on my mind. I've got a lot of stuff coming up in the next couple of weeks. I'm tired too.... this kind of sucks.

I have a lot of crap to get done at work. I have a lot of crap to get done at home.

I worked out today. I pushed myself harder than before. Two miles on the glider machine, one being at level 9 (hardest) and one at level 5 (25 minutes total). Then I moved to the treadmill where I walked at 3.5mph for 10 minutes and jogged for 20 minutes at 4.0mph. My endurance is building. I didn't even get thirsty until halfway through the treadmill. I was mildly amused because I looked down and my water wasn't even opened.

I need to get an iPOD. I really like the iPOD touch, so I'm debating on an iPhone. They're so expensive though.... I dunno... at some point in the future, I guess.

One more day...

So here I sit. Listening to some unknown female singer. Two computers in front of me. One for work, one for play. Sending emails, chatting on Myspace.

So what did you do today? I slept for a while. I went to work. I went to the gym. I came home. I'm in a new routine, I believe. At least this one's slightly healthier.

I'm so tired.

We're going to Myrtle Beach the week of July 27th. I'm looking forward to some time away. Maybe when I get back Rachel will be all moved out. Should I be so lucky? I doubt it.

This is Aleks, reporting in.

What happened to Monday?

I kinda sorta skipped Monday. Not on purpose, but just because I wasn't home. I just got home from work a few minutes ago. It was a long, long day. I'd been there since 9am. Blah.

I don't like these days. I didn't even make it to the gym, and I feel really guilty for it. Oh well, I'll be going tomorrow and all will be sore again.

I'm going to go get some sleep so I can go back to work again tomorrow. Nothing real exciting happened today, unfortunately.

It's SUNDAY!!!

I don't really know what that means.

My legs are still sore... not bad though. I'm able to walk and everything. Matt sent me some smoothy recipes to try to get some more of my meals in.

John, Jennifer, and I went to watch Hellboy 2 last night. I highly enjoyed it. Pretty good flick.

Today.... I played some Guitar Hero 3, mowed the lawn, washed my car, felt like I was going to die because apparently throughout all of this, I forgot to eat. Not good when you're working out in the sun. I came inside, laid on the floor of the computer room for a while until I cooled off and bad feelings subsided.

Other than that, no more excitement than usual.

This is Aleks, reporting in.

Legs

Good lord. Working out legs just tears me up. I felt like I was going to puke again today, but I didn't. I made it through the whole workout. Made it home, and fell asleep on the floor of the computer room.

I feel okay now. I'm sore though.

Nothing much more happened today. I don't really have any plans this weekend either. I guess I'm just going to chill for a while.

today, today, what today

I think I'm just posting now out of habit. I don't really have anything to say.

A friend of mine at work's boyfriend left him (yes, him) while he was at work yesterday. No note, no phone call, just up and left. He was pretty torn up about it today. I think I might go hang out with him this weekend.

I spent about 11 hours at work today. That was exciting. Worked through lunch and everything... I did have a little time to go get a sandwich, but that was it. It was an exhausting, non-stop day. I feel really scatterbrained today.

I did go and work out after work.... I got there at 8:15, and worked out until 9:15ish. I did the glider thing again for 18 minutes today, really pushing myself for the first 5 minutes, and then the last 10 at my regular pace. I then went to the treadmill and used it for 30 minutes. Today, for the first time, I walked for 5 minutes, then jogged for 5 minutes... alternating. I felt like I'd really accomplished something being able to jog like that for 5 minutes straight 3 times in a 30 minute period. The walk was at 3.5mph, and the jog was at 4mph. So I slowed it down just enough so I could walk not jog, but I wasn't really resting... just catching my breath. It's fun to push yourself. I think I sweat more today than ever before. And the workers are the gym are getting to really know me, I guess cuz I come in every day. :-P I was supposed to work out with David today, but I ended up getting caught at work until 8pm, so I called and rescheduled to tomorrow at 5pm (gives me an excuse to leave).

That is it for the day. This is my life. wake, work, work out, sleep. I'm kind of enjoying it.

Time, fading, today...

This is what it's all come down to. You sit and you think... what am I thinking?

I don't know what I'm thinking. No, I'm not depressed. I actually feel quite good. I'm just thinking.

Today I've been trying to reflect back on all of the horrible things I've said and done during the course of my relationship with Rachel. 9 years is a long time (when you're 28, it is!)... and I've definitely said my share of horrible, vicious, and mean things... all for the sake of what? An argument over who's right and who's wrong? Ugh... all of the stupid mistakes I've made over the years.

One thing I can surely say, I feel like I've grown a lot as a person these past 3 weeks.

I really appreciate everyone I know listening to me bitch, moan, and cry with all of my mind and mood changes. I don't think I could possibly say enough how much I appreciate it. I would like to apologize if I inconvenienced anyone in any way, but thank you for being there.

Progress

I can definitely tell a difference at the gym. I pretty much made it through the workout today without too many problems. Of course, I had issues doing some of the exercises, but nothing that seemed to completely destroy me. I stayed for an extra 45 minutes after the workout with David (personal trainer) doing cardio. I feel great.

I think we're going to Myrtle Beach at the end of the month to visit my brother. I've already requested the time off at work, but I haven't seen Rachel to ask her if we can take Ariel.

I struggled to find something for dinner tonight. I wasn't really hungry, but I thought I should eat. At the gym, they say you're supposed to eat small meals every 3 hours to keep your metabolism going. I do well to eat two meals a day. I just ate some tuna. I couldn't find any of the green Tabasco that I like though, so I just put Texas Pete on it. It was decent.

I also bought some tuna steaks, but I haven't looked up how to cook them yet. I'm going to go do that now.

Day in, day out...

I woke up this morning, weighed myself for the first time in a while, and noticed I'd lost 10lbs since I joined the gym. That's not too bad for the first two weeks. It feels good to see some progress. I worked out for an hour and 15 minutes today. I wore my new shoes. They're pretty comfortable. They started to hurt my left heel a little for some reason though.

I feel like I'm getting back to myself, finally. I felt good today. I worked on installing and configuring Linux on a PC at work today. I really enjoy that sort of thing, so I had a good time doing it.

I'm glad Rachel isn't here. I suppose she's working. Jordan's not here either. I'm all by myself. It's nice. I could get used to this. :-P In fact, I'm going to have to.

Day whatever...

I'm home... unfortunately. Still awkward here. I dunno. Although I know it's not going to happen, I guess I still hope to be greeted at the door with a hug and kiss.

The drive was pretty crappy. Wrecks and traffic.... it took me around 6 hours to get home, which is pretty bad.

I don't have anything more to say. I guess I'm going to trail off now...

What Day Is It Again?

So last night I went and saw Hancock. I'd heard not so good things about it, so perhaps my expectations were lowered. I thought it was pretty funny though. It actually made me laugh out loud a couple of times, which is a rarity lately. I went with Tom and Bri (I think that's how you spell her name), and I had a good time. We then went back to their house, and I proceeded to play Smash Brothers Brawl for the Wii. That game is insane.... and fun. I'm going to have to get a Wii.

Then Scott finally called around 11:30. I went and picked up Andy, and went to his house. We sat on his front porch talking for like 4 hours.... just about everything. It was really nice spending time with friends. I think I'd forgotten what it was like. We didn't even do anything, but it was a lot of fun catching up. Scott and Andy were talking about coming down to visit sometime, perhaps August, after Rachel leaves. I'm not sure if that will come to fruition, but they're more than welcome. I'll have that big-ass house, and no one there.

I have a 5 1/2 hour drive back to SC today. I'm probably going to leave here shortly, and get home. I have a guy's PC from work that I need to look at. Fun, fun, fun.

Day 15

The other day I was talking to Rachel about bills and such. She says she's trying to move out by August 1st. For the first time, there might be hope. Maybe light at the end of the tunnel? I should start a countdown on the website. It sucks being miserable at home. I'm hoping without having to see her every day, I'll be able to move forward a little easier.

Anyway, I'm in WV for the weekend. I had a good, uneventful drive up. Ariel came with me. My mom's going to keep her for a couple of weeks. I'm not sure of the plans to get her back to SC though. I may need to get some clarification on that.

I don't really have any plans here. I've talked to Scott. We might go do something tomorrow night. He says it's Brian and Matt's birthday, and that he's trying to get some people together at the River's Edge Cafe. We're doing the cookout thing this evening as long as it doesn't rain anymore.

Just babbling... nothing new or eventful happening. Same shit, different day....

Emotionally, I'm doing alright. I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was. In fact, since I have a date that she's leaving, I actually feel like I have something to look forward to. It's exciting! I know that's going to introduce a whole new set of emotions though since I'll be in that big ass house all alone. I'll have to find something to keep me occupied.

I understand the whole 'rebound' thing now. I understand why people look for a new girlfriend as soon as possible. The emotional roller coaster is insane. I really need to learn how to control it a little better. It just kind of hit me by surprise this time, but next time I'll be ready for it and better equipped to handle it.

Day 13

Up and down, up and down.... like a friggin see-saw.

I don't even know what to say. I went to lunch with my manager today, told her what's going on... apologizing for what probably seems like crazy ass mood swings. She says I haven't been that bad. I dunno, maybe I just feel like I have but I don't show it as much as I think.

I'm really doing okay today as well. Rachel and I had a good talk last night about splitting things... bills, possessions, etc. I think this is going to go fairly smoothly. I don't feel as "good" as I did yesterday, but I feel okay.

I worked out today. My arms are sore, and I did 30 minutes on the damn glider machine as fast as I could sustain which was about 5.7-6.0mph. I'm worn out. I also did 30 minutes on the treadmill at 3.5mph... which is faster than my previous speed of 3.2mph.

I'm driving to WV tomorrow after work for the holiday weekend. Yay... out of the house!

Day 12

Wow, what a day. I felt good today. I don't know why, or what changed. I just felt good today. It's the first time in a long time.

So I'm watching the UFC 86 Countdown show which is basically a one hour commercial for the UFC 86 PPV... and Forrest Griffin is on there. He's talking about his fight with Keith Jardine, which he lost, and he has one of the best quotes I've heard in a while. It so fits my current situation. "If you're lucky you'll find something in your life that's worth crying about." I take comfort in that... I've shed more tears in the past two weeks than I can ever remember. This has been the most difficult thing I've ever gone through. I guess I'm lucky to have felt something so powerful.. such raw emotion that I didn't think I had in me anymore.

Anyway, it was a good day. :-)

We worked my legs today at the gym. I didn't puke this time. I do believe that's progress.

Day 11

Even as much as I care, I try not to care, or at least I try not to let it show. Everyone seems to know, anyway. Little things here or there, "Are you okay?"

It's so nice being able to go to the gym and just punish myself. It's such a great stress reliever. I feel like a real wuss working with the trainer guy. It seems like I barely do anything before my whole body just feels like Jello.

I'm not going to blog about last night other than my suspicions were confirmed that she has a boyfriend. I must say, it hurts a little. But really, what doesn't, anymore? No, we didn't get in an argument, and no I didn't spy on her. Nothing crazy happened. I didn't even say anything to her when I heard it. I just bit my tongue and sat here on the computer like nothing ever happened.

I'm tired of this charade. I'm tired of living here. I hate being in this house like this.

Day 10 Continued...

I got home around 8:30. I had a great, peaceful drive. No traffic at all. I listened to Howard Stern reruns from this past week. I'd heard some of it on Friday, but most of it I hadn't. It was a good way to keep my mind occupied.

It's just such a weird element being here. Everything is just so uncomfortable and tense.

Back to the gym tomorrow. My legs are moving a little better today. I'm still somewhat stiff, but I'm moving without too much pain. I could force myself to work out on the bike or treadmill or something. In fact, I think it might be good for me to help me loosen up.

Day 10

Ooh, I skipped a day. How crazy is that?

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day. Aaron and Samara helped organize the first Pride festival here in Lexington, so we spent the entire day there.

It was a lot of fun, live music, vendors, alcohol, food, drag queens... They had lots of raffles and a silent auction. It was really a nice festival. It was perfect weather as well for most of the day. It was supposed to rain in the afternoon, but it held off until about 7:15-7:30, so the festival was almost over anyway.

Samara and I took a break and watched "The Happening" to cool off a little. What a horrible movie. I saw the boom mic in probably 10 different scenes. It was like they didn't even bother to edit it. The dialog was bad. The acting was bad. Although I highly enjoyed the death scenes. Some of those were pretty creative.

I woke up this morning a little bit depressed. I was dreaming about Rachel last night. Bleh.

And my legs still friggin hurt. I have a long drive ahead of me this afternoon. I had a great time this weekend though. It was worth it.

I'm pretty excited that Aaron took a job in Alaska. He starts on September 1st. I've already told him that I'm coming to visit him there for a week or so once they get settled in. I've always wanted to go to Alaska, and this is a perfect excuse.

I'm thinking I might come back here for a week in August since I have some vacation to burn. I need to get it scheduled and taken anyway so I don't lose it at the end of the year.

Day 8 Continued...

Blah, today was just plagued by problems at work. One thing after another it seems.

I managed to actually leave around 12:30, but had to stop by the bank and pick up a money order. I apparently forgot to pay my homeowners' association dues this year. Their letter was very threatening and intimidating. I figured I'd better pay it. Whatever.

Anyway, I got on the road about 1pm, and arrived here shortly before 9pm. It took me around 8 hours, but I stopped probably 5 times for gas, drinks, pee breaks, etc. Just whatever. I was not in any hurry. I wasn't going to make it in time for their award ceremony, so I just made it a nice leisurely drive.

I listened to Howard Stern most of the way up, until it started to repeat. They switched the Friday format from the "Mastertape Theater" to the "Best of the Week" show, which I like much better since I never get to listen to the whole shows throughout the week. Once it started to repeat, I was only about an hour out. Howard Stern was good at keeping my mind distracted. Music.... not so much.

I got a little depressed on the way here. I'm okay now though. I'm glad to be here. Aaron and Samara aren't home yet, so I'm just checking up on work, chilling, blogging, surfing the web, etc.

I think we might be going out tonight. I'll find out for sure when they get home. Hopefully no problems with work. Otherwise I'll have to cut the night short.

Day 8

Ah, joy. My legs hurt soooo bad from yesterday. I'm having trouble walking, and going up and down the stairs is excrutiating. Driving my car for 6 1/2 hours is going to be fun. :-)

I'm pretty excited to see Aaron and Samara. It's been quite some time, I'm trying to leave early enough to get there prior to their award ceremony at 7pm, but that's really pushing it. I wish I would've been able to take the day off.

I'm up too damned early. I need to go back to bed.

Day 7

Well,

Rachel was awake before I left for work this morning, so I decided to take advantage of the opportunity to talk to her while no one else was around.

I said to her, that I didn't want to force or rush her to make a decision or anything, but that I had been over analyzing everything to death. I asked her if she thought there was any chance for us at all.

She replies, "I don't think so."

I said, "That's what I figured. Thanks for being honest."

I'm fairly certain she already has a boyfriend. I hope he treats her well, and that they are happy. I just hope that it's a VERY recent development, although my pessimistic and paranoid nature tells me otherwise.

Nonetheless, I have no hard feelings towards her. If she was unhappy with our marriage, then this is the right decision for her, now matter how hard it is for me.

As you can probably tell, I basically spent all day at work thinking about this. I started off my day badly. :-( That's my own self destructive nature.

On a side note, I went to the gym and did too many leg squats. I came home and puked, and I can barely walk.

I also need to pack for this weekend. I'm leaving from work tomorrow and heading to Lexington to visit Aaron & Samara. I hope to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Day 6 Continued...

She called to check on Ariel. Jordan, Rachel, Jason, and one of Jordan's friends (I think?) went to a concert in Raleigh.

I just like hearing her voice. I'm so pathetic. I disgust myself with the fact that I can't stay mad at her. That I can't, not love her. That I keep stepping backwards no matter how hard I try to push myself forward. It's just one of those things, like my relationship with my father, that is going to have to dissolve and fade with time I think. But god is it hard...

Day 6

God. I wobble back and forth, back and forth. I had another lapse today, just thinking about how much I miss her. I'm so pathetic.

I wish I could be hard like she is. To just give it up so easily. Drop me out of her thoughts completely.

Oh well. Tomorrow's another wonderful day.

Still working out though... sore as all hell, and because I forgot my Crocs today, I walked on the treadmill in my work shoes. I think I have blisters forming on the bottoms of my feet. Ugh.

Update: Of course, I'm still thinking about things. I'm over analyzing it to death. I wonder if this part of my life will turn out to be like the summer after high school graduation or high school. High school was horrible. I hated it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. That summer after high school though, I look back on as probably the best time of my life. I didn't know it at the time though. I just wonder where on the spectrum my marriage to Rachel will fall.

Day 4: Back to work

I managed to make it through yesterday with very little "down" time. I watched Dream 4 with Jason, John and Jennifer. Rachel and Jordan were dying their hair.

I kept in good spirits all night. The worst part is going to the other bedroom to sleep. It still kinda hurts.

I talked to Rachel a little about when she's planning on moving out, since we hadn't really discussed it since we were arguing heavily. Basically, as soon as she has the money, so maybe sooner rather than later? She doesn't know at this point how much she'll need or anything, but she did mention getting a month-to-month lease. Perhaps her decision isn't as set in stone as I thought.

I'm hoping the time apart, whenever it happens, helps us both. Time will only tell.

Now I'm getting ready for work. On Thursday when I left, I had hair down to my ass, and a full beard. Now my head is buzzed and I'm clean shaven. They may not let me in the building.

I also have a 5:00 appointment with a personal trainer at the gym to hopefully get me in line with what I need to be doing to get in shape. This weekend, I just did whatever...

On another note, I was sad to hear that George Carlin died. He was one of my favorites. Rachel and I saw him live when he came to Charleston, WV. He was hilarious.

Day 3: Continued...

I went and worked out again this morning at the gym. I rode the bike for 30 minutes, and walked on the treadmill for an hour. After the treadmill, my legs felt wobbly and my head was a little spinny, so I decided it was time to leave.

I did a lot of thinking while I was there (go figure), and I kept reflecting back to one thing Rachel said last night that just pierced right through me.

"I don't know if I'm in this marriage for love or convenience."

The more I think about that statement, the more I realize there's nothing I can do to change her mind. I have no choice but to pick up my head and move along.

With that being said, my stomach is a little less irritated today with the realization that there's no use in feeling sorry for myself, feeling regret, or being pissed off. I'm attempting now to eat some cottage cheese. I'm hoping it stays down.

On a side note, all this time has gone by and I kept saying how I lead a boring life and nothing ever changes. I'm not so sure that this was the change I was really looking for, but I'm beginning to accept the fact that it may be for the best.

Day 3: Moving on...

One good thing has come out of this, I've lost 6lbs since Thursday. I wonder how much of that was hair?

I did some more talking with Rachel last night. Things are still moving forward with the split. She's still very angry. We didn't fight or argue though. That's just how things go.

I guess it's time to move on. I'm going to go work out shortly. Maybe I'll lose a little more weight. Who knows...

Edit:

I have a lot of regret about this whole situation. I'm very upset with myself for making her so apathetic towards me. I hate feeling like this. Nothing seems to make it go away, and I'm not sure what else to do. I've tried everything I can think of.

Perhaps alcohol is the answer, but I'm a little scared to try that with her still in the house. I'm afraid of what might happen. I hope I don't still feel like this after she moves out. I hope that day comes soon.

Day 2: Time Trials

I'm feeling somewhat better today. I got up this morning and went and worked out for a couple of hours. I spoke to Rachel about a couple of things pertaining to the split.

Apparently it's not possible to remove your name from a bank account, so we'll have to close that one and she'll have to open a new one.

She's going to let me know her schedule so that we can go and talk to a divorce lawyer together to find out what we need to do.

This stuff is so hard.

My stomach is still all messed up. I talked to my mom for about an hour today about the whole thing. Explaining everything to her really helps me put it into perspective on how completely petty our arguments were. I guess it's just a build-up of everything. We just kept stacking the shit higher and higher and higher until it toppled, and it toppled hard.

After everything, I still love her. I miss being around her. I miss being able to talk to her. I miss hearing about how shitty her day was.

Oh well.

Day 1: Destination

Day 1:
We'll call this Day 1. I have no way to describe the range of emotions I've felt over the past 24 hours. I guess I was more upset than I thought.

My stomach is in knots.

I slept in my car at a rest area last night.

I turned off her cell phone.

I joined a gym.

I shaved my head.

I wrote her a letter.

I slept all evening.

I haven't eaten anything.

I tried to call my therapist's office to make an appointment this afternoon, but they close early on Fridays. I'll have to call back on Monday.

I'm not really sure why any of these things are occurring. Maybe I'm trying to convince myself that she isn't in control of my life.

I found out last night that she is done with me. Apparently I am nothing to her anymore. That was quick. So I stole the diary she had been keeping since Monday and read it. I am an asshole. At least I know now where I stand.

What do you do? Move on, I suppose.... although I don't really know how.

She's staying here until she gets an apartment. In all honestly, I still don't mind her being here. I just wish it would come soon, but it probably won't be until the winter. I just want to sleep the next 6 months of my life away until she's gone.

No matter what is said and done, everything ends up the same. There is no way to change the inevitable. You know it. I know it.

There's nothing more to say. There's no mending the situation. There's no way to make all of the pain go away.

So here we sit. What do you say? Anything? No, I don't think so. Sometimes you have to think like you're trying to be something you're not. What does that mean?

So, here we sit again. We're going around in circles. What do you do? What do I do? I have nothing left to say to you.

That's where it all collapses. That's where it all begins.

I'm devastated. I've crumbled. I'm empty. I'm sore.

How are you? Proud, I assume.

I hate my life. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I fucked up, apparently, although I don't know how. I don't know what I did to upset her so much last night. She was upset when she came home. She was griping at me, and yelling at Ariel for nothing.

She was pissed off that they didn't have the steak she ordered at the restaurant. On the way home, we got into an argument because she was in just a bad mood.

I guess that's where I made the mistake... trying to understand.

None of this really matters. I'm not a journalist. I'm just writing this shit because no one's here to listen.

I don't understand her anger with me. I guess I just need to learn to deal with it. Not everyone thinks the same way.

I originally fought getting close to her. I guess it's time to turn this page and move on. As Rachel used to say, I'm going to "flip the switch". I won't make this mistake again.

Just keep breathing. Right?

I lose.

I fail at life. 3 years longer than I'd anticipated. I guess that's long enough.

So this is what it's like, I guess. I've never felt so suicidal. This crazy world of emotions is taking over.

The longer I sit here, the better I feel. I guess that's a plus. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong.

I quit. Goodbye.

^_^

I just like that little symbol. It makes me feel special.

I spent Sunday-Tuesday in Sandestin Resort in Florida. I had a great time. It's an all-encompassing resort, and there's shopping there, restaurants, beaches, etc. It's really nice. I'd definitely visit again.

Next week I'm headed to Los Angeles, CA for my bro's graduation. That should provide for some hardy entertainment. I have nothing really to say. Just reporting back....

And now the musical interlude...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2r4HE29qSs

Downloading videos from Youtube

This is kind of cool.... a way to save videos from Youtube.

First, you need to install the Firefox web browser. http://www.getfirefox.com

Second, install the Greasemonkey addon. https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/748

Third, install Yourtube script ("install this script" button on the right). http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/25145

Enjoy!

I need new brakes...

My brakes are squeaking.... I couldn't figure out which ones, so I went and bought a jack and jackstands to look and see. It appears that the front brakes still have plenty of "meat" on them, but the rears are like... nasty looking. The rotors look like hell too. I think I'm going to attempt to replace both. I went ahead and rotated my tires since I had them off anyway. It had been a while since I'd had that done.

I'll probably attempt to change my rear brakes myself. Reading online, it doesn't sound too difficult.

Wheeeeeeee!

Is there ever anything interesting?

I never have anything interesting to say. My life is boring. I released the Keyfinder as open source earlier this month. I haven't done any updates on it since then. I'm looking at the XML formatting, but I just feel exhausted anymore.

I bought a hard drive a couple of weeks ago. 500GB Seagate. It was on sale at Best Buy for around $110. Not a bad price.

I install it that Sunday. Move some data over to it. I come home from work the following Friday.... dead. Computer won't recognize that it exists. It powers up. You can feel it spin. It was awesome. I love losing around 300GB of stuff.... always makes you feel wonderful.

I'm thinking about building a 0+1 raid box with a couple of terabytes of space. It's not cheap though, so I haven't done it yet. One day....

What do ya say?!

I had a good weekend. Rachel and I went to Raleigh for an award thing for my work. I got a nice gold pin and an awesome dinner. It was uncomfortable being in a suit, but it was fun nonetheless.

On another note, John and I are going to go skydiving... probably around June. Weight limit is 225 though, so I'm going to have to start dropping weight. Skydiving is something I've always wanted to try. I'm pretty excited...

I think I like it.

Guess what...

I like Alka-Seltzer. It makes me feel good.

Bad day...

It's been a bad day. I guess I'm going to bitch and moan. I think I'm depressed. I feel sick anyway. I'm tired, and my neck hurts. I feel stressed out although I don't know why. Work is busy, but it's not that bad. I think it's home this time. I don't know.

Blah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

...

DVD collection

I'm currently in the process of re-cataloging our DVDs. The link to the right has the new database, and will be updated as I get them scanned in.

On a side note, the CueCat is a handy little device.

Relisted!

Hah, not that I really expected to sell them at that price, but it was worth a shot. Here is the auction, relisted, slightly more reasonable.

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190202041853

Domains on Ebay

Want to buy sixy.com, sixy.net, and sixy.org?

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190199918852

God, I'm so tired all of the time. I could probably just sit and stare at the wall for hours on end.

I really don't want to do anything except sit here. My desire for life has faded. I'm exhausted.

Not much going on in life. I'm debating on selling this set of domains (sixy.com, sixy.org, and sixy.net). I don't use them except for this blog, and in my opinion, they're damn good domain names which could be used for just about anything. If I could make a ridiculous amount of money from them, I'd sell them.

Any offers? Email me!

Only in Kenya

I run across some weird crap on the internet. This is brought to you by the badger (badger badger) people.

381kenya3.swf